Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize