His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
