I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
