i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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