should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
