ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
