i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
