i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize