A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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