Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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