I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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