i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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