my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
