Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
