He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
