I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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