im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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