Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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