Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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