the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
