She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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