I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
