I cannot find my penis.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
