Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
