You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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