peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
