Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Damn victory sex feels great
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
