Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
