So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
