according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
