Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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