hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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