I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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