i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I love you. Go after that dick
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
