Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
