I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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