I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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