chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm just crazy horny about you
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
