just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
