I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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