38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
