I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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