I heard we made out
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
