go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
