I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
