Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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