1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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