Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
