I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
