Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
