don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
