My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
