Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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