so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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