I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
