All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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