so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
