so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
