the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
