if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize