when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
