Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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