I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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