Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
