More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
