so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize