I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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