It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
